She was walking across the parking lot. I was sitting in the car waiting on Mr. K to pick up his new eyeglasses. To say she was “walking” would be an understatement. She was alone and moving at a decent pace. Not too fast to trip over her own feet but not so slow to be a leisurely stroll.

Her long auburn hair danced around her shoulders and seemed to move with her pace. It was the wiggle in the walk that got her noticed. It was supposed to. I even looked at her shoes to see if both heels were even. Her sashay swaying was distinctive. I once knew a tall girl in high school who wore her shoes purposely altered to make her hips sway a little more than God intended. — This lady in the parking lot wasn’t especially attractive. That’s MY own opinion. My view of a woman’s attractiveness is somewhat…biased, perhaps? I needed a man’s perspective and Mr. K was otherwise occupied.

Let’s be honest. Once upon a time, yours truly could walk like that. It wouldn’t have been nearly as impressive. At age 18, I weighed about 100 pounds and that was soaking wet. After getting married and having two kids, I had acquired the hips to sway like that, but I no longer needed the attention. Mr. K and I spent our time chasing two boys and my hips’ only challenge was keeping up with my legs.

Ah, the memories. I thought about what it would be like today to prance through the living room. I’d waltz between Mr. K and his TV Time. Modern Marvels would be interrupted by me doing my version of the wiggle walk. I can hear him now, “Do you need me to take you to the chiropractor?” Well, yes. I’d probably need it. Right after you dial 911 to help get my embarrassed self up off the floor.

Just like when hip-huggers came back in style and my husband said, “Look honey. Hip-huggers are back.” I said, “Yes, and these hips have hugged their last pair.”

So today, in 2022, if you see me doing a wiggle walk across the parking lot, just point the way to the chiropractor.

Until next time, I will leave the wiggle and jiggle to the Jell-O.

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