Dear TC,

Grief is a strange companion. It initially attaches itself to my back, like a nasty cape I never wanted, or intended to wear.  The slightest breeze and the cape makes every effort to choke me.  It’s hard to breathe and even harder to see through the tears that flow like a river down my face.

It’s only been three days since you stepped into the arms of Jesus. I am so jealous.  My turn will come and I too, will finally get my Jesus-hug.

Meanwhile, the cape has become a shadow that dogs my steps. It’s never far away and seems to delight in jumping out at me when I least expect it.

Today, at Hobby Lobby, I saw the neon signs.  I was reminded of the BIG sign you brought home one day, years ago.  It glows yellow and says, “OPEN”. I’d like to plug it in and light it up for you.  But the signs on the shelf reminded me; you aren’t here.  I know where you are and you’d be the first to say, “Don’t cry mom.”  It just doesn’t help that my arms long to hug you and the emptiness in this house can be hard to tolerate.

I took a walk yesterday across the property.  We are very fortunate to have been able to bring you home and lay you to rest.  It’s what we both wanted. The mortuary we chose has been easy to work with.

When dad and I were unable to find the plain pine box you wanted, some amazing people stepped up and built one.  It’s a blessing beyond description to be part of a Chosen Family.  Of course, you know all about a Chosen Family, you’ve had one for many years.

Dad and I ordered a marker online.  It’s amazing what you can find on the Internet.  It’s a chunk of laser-engraved, black granite. I didn’t choose a verse from Scripture. To be honest, you never shared if you had a favorite.

The pall bearers are lined up and my Adopted One found someone to run the sound system at church.  I’m thankful to a  guy who did an amazing job and I don’t even know his name.

I am determined to hang up my “cape” and though it may take time, with Jesus’ help, even this shadow will be tamed.

Until I see you  again,

Keep walking with Jesus,

I love you!

Mom